Thursday, January 3, 2019

"Big Boy Done"


He’s such a good kid. An old soul. Probably born a generation or even a century too late. He’s “from a different cut”, they say. The Bear to some…but not a big, stubborn, mangy old bear. More like a strong, steady, peaceful and observant bear.

Michele and I took the kids to a major pop concert this summer in Minneapolis. The hits played to an eclectic crowd of somewhere between thirty and forty-five thousand in the friendly confines of Target Field. We rode the Light Rail in and sat in the nose bleeds amongst the music lovers with lighter pocket books. Our family stood and sang along at all the appropriate times. The whole while we could sense that Logan was enjoying the ice cream and the music but was struggling with the proximity of drunkenness and debauchery in the masses.
Late in to the night, with the last note long gone and after another crowded train ride, we prodded our children for reactions. Emma loved it, but she’s a big city kind of girl and this wasn’t her first rodeo. Logan, on the other hand, offered that given alternatives he would have most likely chosen alternatively.
Michele pressed on. “What didn’t you like?”
It was the people. The sheer number of them. Crammed in to one place to spend excessive amounts of money on beer and to pretend that they knew the words to every song. Too many people that looked different then him. It was the people he watched being fake. Putting on a show inside the show. Mom reminded him that it’s good to get out of Pine City sometimes. It’s good to get a little culture.
“I can get culture in the Boundary Waters,” Logan retorted. He wasn’t being rude. He was being honest.
“It’s good to experience new things and see different kinds of people,” Mom reminded our tuckered out little Bear.
“I don’t need to see different people. I can see animals in the Boundary Waters.”

Seems our boy is a little more country and a lot less city than we knew.

Born to fish. One of my college friends even referred to him as a “fishing savant”. He has Championship Bass League experience under his belt at the age of 12. With the patience of a Saint and the determination of a bull, Logan will outlast and ultimately out fish anyone lucky enough to fish alongside of him.

He can shoot too. Logie, recently outperformed a fellow outdoorsman, two years his senior, on a round of sporting clays. Grandpas, as well as peace officers, have watched and scrutinized video of Logan knocking over targets on the pistol range as if he were classically trained. When “citiot” friends visit, Logan doesn’t just tag along, he’s an instructional part of their Redneck stay.

So on Saturday, November 3rd at 7:47 am, just 9 minutes in to the legal shooting hours of Opening Day, when I got the text “Big boy done”, it came as little surprise. Oh, don’t get me wrong. The shot startled me. I just didn’t expect the snap of the 30-30 that early in the hunt. Uncle Todd later reported that when the shot pierced the morning air, he threw out half a cup of perfectly good coffee. Without knowing much more, the immediate realization that Logan had capitalized washed over me in a blanket of pride.

But it came as little surprise. He was born to hunt.

At first, I questioned my son’s word choice….done? Who? You, the Big boy? Or the deer is a Big Boy and he’s done? Did he mean “Big Boy Down”? Or did he mean that he was done?
We know that spelling is an emergent skill of Logan’s. To hold him grammatically accountable in such a big moment of his young life wouldn’t be realistic. I replied with a text.
“Seriously??”
Ya
“You? How Big?”
               Drop him (Again, in the aftermath of such a monumental moment and I’m expecting conjugated verbs and punctuation)

For the next ten minutes, my son fired off text messages in one-word retorts to his uncle, his grandfather and me. Having medicated and hobbled my lame leg in to the stand closest to the road, I wanted to get out and run to my boy’s side. Knowing that wasn’t reasonable, I tried to settle my beating heart and salvage the potential for my own hunt in the prime time of early morning.
10 minutes later Logan wrote…
Uncle Todd is coming
I’m shaking.
The excitement was too much for me to handle. I sent my brother a message seeking confirmation. And moments later when my brother replied – “He will be hard to beat!”, I almost fell out of the Taj Mahal. Logan shot at 7:46 and by 8:25 I was inbound. I’m actually a little surprised that I was able to hold off that long.

A crippled leg caused by a herniated disc topped off with a corneal abrasion has left me a shadow of my former self. My list of ailments this Fall reads like an application for the Lakeside Manor for the Elderly. But by this point, the jolt of natural adrenaline was more than compensating for the diminishing effects of the early morning oxycodone. I picked my way through the trail that connects us. The narrowing tag alders and tussocks of swamp grass would have made foot travel difficult for any able-bodied hunter. Undeterred by the shockwaves of pain misfiring in my sciatic nerve, I pressed on like a leopard meticulously picking his way through the jungle.

Stumbling with my smartphone, I tried to film short snippets hopeful to catch the emotion of the moment. When I came upon my brother and my son, I anticipated hugs and high fives but the two of them were elbow deep in the necessary biology lesson that follows the shot. The buck to which they were attending would be impossible to beat.

9 minutes in to his first solo hunt, my Big Boy put Big Boy down. He had prepared since an early age. Lessons in marksmanship and teaching him how to be a steward of the land were not ignored. When preparation met opportunity, Logan capitalized with a disciplined and well-placed shot. As he searched the gut pile for the heart of his quarry, my son began to recount every minor detail of a moment we’ll want to remember for ages.

********
First light brought first movement. To his east, Logan caught sight of a deer pushing the extent of his visibility. Bear said that he figured the deer would walk in to my shooting lane but was surprised when it turned left and walked straight west, towards him. For the next few minutes, as a right-handed shooter, Logan tried to spin quietly to his right. He said that his feet hung up on the small bag that was on the floor but he was able to get around far enough, pointing the barrel down the lane and mounting the gun. In the grey of the morning swamp, still unaware of the size or even the gender of the deer, Logan looked through the iron sites.

What took less than 10 minutes probably seemed like an eternity to our young hunter. However, when fishing and hunting, there are two things you can count on with Logan - patience and determination. As taught, he tried to regulate his breathing and calm his beating chest. Logan told me that he had practiced a shot long before he ever recognized it as a buck. With the deer advancing with its nose to the ground, I’m sure it was difficult to decipher the puzzle presented. My son said that when it approached the 50 yard mark, he saw main beams and brow tines. At that point, it could have been just a fork horn for all he knew. No matter, he eased the hammer back and readied for the shot. 
He anxiously waited for the deer to turn broadside but it never did. Logan later admitted that he fully expected a turn and bounce in to the brush. That didn’t happen. Before he knew it, the buck was inside twenty-five yards and sniffing the air in an attempt to pick up the scent of a stranger in the woods.

That was his fatal mistake.

When he faced my son and stuck his nose to the wind, a single 120 grain 30-30 round entered his body just below the white patch on his neck. That shot cost my brother a cup of coffee. That shot was the one I knew could be no one else besides the Bear. That shot was the one that he had prepared himself for and patiently waited so long for.

On public land, Minnesota has placed restrictions on the use of ATV’s during prime hunting hours. I’m not sure that it was quite yet 8:30 am by the time we rehashed the excitement of morning. Prayers of thankfulness spoken. Pictures taken. Any deer within a country mile had listened to our early morning rendezvous and by now, would have crossed in to Manitoba.  Yet, we all agreed to climb back in to our respective stands and wait it out before calling in Poppa Tom and the Honda.

Mid-morning we met grandpa at the truck with handshakes and hugs. The high sun helped paint a proud picture for the Kirby boys. The four of us wore smiles from ear to ear as we headed back in for the 8 point buck. Although my right leg was starting to scream for relief, I insisted that my old man ride in on the four-wheeler with Logan. I couldn’t make out the content of their conversation but I could sense their shared excitement over the puttering engine. I skipped behind them as best as I could, hopeful to be in range when the downed buck came within sight.

Big Boy Down.

Grandpa was all smiles. The Bear was as proud as a peacock. I became the paparazzi, again trying to document as much of the moment as I possibly could. To be honest, I didn’t want that moment to end. End, it did – we loaded the buck and the wheeler in to the back of the truck in a package deal. A couple of pickup loads of jealous onlookers passed by before we turned the wheels toward Warroad. Uncle Todd and Poppa Tom headed south towards the airport road while my boy and I finally had a moment alone. Logan’s best day ever just kept getting better when we decided to take the long way around the block only to come up on a ruffed grouse insistent on testing himself against the Bear. Back at the homestead, the beautiful colors of the grouse added to the next line of photos before we strung the buck up in the garage to be skun. A phone call to mom, some lunch and a well-earned nap followed.

******
Going back out for the evening post, three generations of Kirby boys each had a definite spring in their step. It's always easier to hunt when you’ve got fresh venison hanging in the garage.  Admittedly, the spring in my step required another dose of over the counter drugs. It was a mostly uneventful evening. On the Demars’ trail of old, it’s possible that the same doe visited all three of the youngest of our hunting party. None of us fired. By the time that the doe stood broadside at 60 yards in my north lane, the sun was quickly setting. As darkness fell, she snorted and wheezed her way in a full circle, lucky to live another day. Back at the truck, we waited for Poppa Tom.

In complete darkness, I began to wonder why my Dadd had not made it in from the minimum maintenance road. I left my brother and son at the trailhead and swung the truck down to the intersection to look for headlights. With none in sight, I checked my cell phone to see the message that my dad was on a faint blood trail. I hurried down to grab Logan and Todd. As they piled in to the truck, Logan confessed that he swore he heard grandpa shoot at last light. We made our way for the thickest part of the swamp, scurrying for headlamps and flashlights.

By the time we reached Dadd’s Jeep, the adrenaline was flowing again. Hurriedly, we shed layers and started packing knives. Just as we crossed the ditch into the edge of the swamp, Tom sent out a text and called off the search team. I chose to ignore the order and sent in the hounds. For us, even navigating the marked trail in the dark proved difficult. We met grandpa at the first intersection near his stand. There he shared, as excited as we might be to track another buck, none of us wanted to spend a starry night turned around in the tag alders. I have hunted many seasons in that tax-forfeited property. I’m generally comfortable throughout the extent of our claim. The sincerity in my father’s voice confirmed what we learned on the way in. It was dark. It was easy to get turned around. My dad was confident in his shot. It would be a cold night. We agreed to pick up the trail in the morning.
Back at the ranch, the elder Kirby rehashed his lowlight standoff with the deer. Despite being unable to tell just how many points the buck was sprouting, my father was sure that he fatally struck him in the boiler room. While grandma fired up some supper, we passed the time checking the SD card from the trail camera. There were a few pictures of some decent bucks roaming by in the past week. We were elated to find pictures of Logan’s deer on the hoof from the prior Thursday. In the meantime, Logan ate half a loaf of buttered bread, dunked in Grandma’s canned venison stew and before long; we were ready to hit the sack. We would finalize the attack plan in the morning.

Day 2 we hit the woods knowing we already had one deer in hand and potentially another in the bush. Poppa Tom figured he would post for a bit and maybe by mid-morning, around 9:00, pick up the trail of the deer he shot at the evening before. What he could not know was how quickly things would turn from a good morning to a great morning.

Gone are the days of hearing a shot in the distance and playing the guessing game of direction and caliber. Gone, too, are the days of handheld radios turned on and tuned in only when shots are fired. No more waiting game to find out who shot what. Nowadays, a cell phone is just as much part of the gear list as toilet paper. Another buck came to play and 7:50 am I got a text from my old man –
“Different buck. Hit him hard! Should be close by - going to give it a minute.”

Could it possibly be that we had another deer in the hand? In just over twelve hours, Tom had confidently fired at two bucks. By way of text message, Logan was practically begging to go help grandpa. My dad held off the 6th grade recovery team, stating that he didn’t want us to give up our hunt too early. By 8:12, barely 20 minutes after he shot, doubt was starting to creep in. The thick swamp compounded the fact that, like me, my dad is colorblind. He asked for more trackers. Via text I rallied the troops. We pulled out from the Demars Trail at 8:30 and were on our way to help when 8 minutes later, Dadd fired off a celebratory text. He found the buck from that morning and knew that he was looking at his biggest to date, maybe even bigger than Logan’s.

Yep, Big Boy Done.

The news made our walk in from the north seem like a stroll in the park. Logan, Todd and I openly visited, excited to see another mature deer down. We spotted my dad about 60 yards to the northwest of his stand, picking his way through waist high swamp grass. He told us that he had already found the buck from this morning and was now trying to relocate the faint traces of blood from the night before.  As soon as he pointed out a speck of blood on a single blade of grass, it was as if Todd and Logan were shot out of a cannon. The bloodhounds were on the trail. My dad and I became spectators as the boys picked apart the puzzle of a twelve-hour-old blood trail. If they were leashed, I couldn’t have held them back. The two colorblind fools stood by in awe as the trackers’ pace quickened. When I knew that contact was imminent, the Marine in me dispersed to the right to provide covering fire if needed. Todd and Logan continued nose to the ground. My father trailed, beaming with pride, watching his boys do the dirty work. I scanned the woods and was the first one to spot the distinct white belly of our third deer.

Big Boy Done.

This fork horn had traveled no more than fifty yards from the time the .270 flashed in his direction. He took his last Earthly breath just footsteps past where my dad decided to pull out and play it safe the night before. No matter, this was another big-bodied deer and marked one of the most successful opening weekends we’ve had in the Lost River. Hugs and high fives followed. Not to downplay our appreciation for the fallen deer, but we took no pictures. Choosing instead to get on to the business of bigger buck.

Poppa Tom directed us to the small tamarack tree that the buck was getting to know better when he met the business end of the left handed rifle. There was no blood in the immediate vicinity but having watched it smash through the underbrush, my dad had a general idea of its direction of travel. Again, the colorblind hunter was only able to spot a little blood and he took us to that spot. From there I paused the group. Knowing that my dad had already found the deer, I thought it was a great opportunity for Logan and Todd to practice. Again, the bloodhounds were on the trail. It seemed as if they had been working crime scenes like this together for years. In no time, they were high stepping it through the thickest part of the Lost River. My Dadd reached over and held me back. Within 10 yards of the downed deer, it was so thick that no one could see it. Confident that the sign pointed in the direction of tangled mess of low hanging branches, Todd and Logan ducked and entered.
What they found was a beautiful, mature, thick, 8-point buck. Logan rushed to hold it in his hands. Todd circled around to get a better view. My dad came along side, smiling from ear to ear. I took his weapon, leaned it against a clump of brush together with mine and then tackled him in to the tall grass and spongy peat moss. Todd joined in the dog pile. Logan wouldn’t pull himself from the antlers. For a long time, we all just sat there admiring the buck and enjoying this cozy little hidden opening in the bush. The final resting spot for my father’s biggest deer was barely big enough for the four of us to stand next to each other. For Happy Snappys, we took turns kneeling with my dad and his trophy.

Eventually, the extraction process would have to begin.

Logan helped his uncle and grandfather gut the big buck. Tom and Todd marched off to start on the day-old-deer while the Bear and I retrieved more machinery. Even with the Honda, it would be no small task. The roots and stumps, along with the tussocks, told a logging story of long ago. What was once Tamarack and Popple trees is now a quagmire of tangled tag alders and willow clumps. The flagged trail my father tried to maintain was barely wide enough for the four-wheeler. Logan steered the machine as best as he could while I peeled back and tipped over any nagging branches.
The pride in hard work helped ease the shooting pains in my leg. The pride in knowing we’d experienced a special harvest convinced us to keep working, one deer at a time. The forkhorn was loaded on to the rear rack and tied down as best as the rigor mortis would allow. Bit by bit, we took what the swamp would give us. The lashing held and eventually Logan, the deer and I were to the road where we dropped of the deer at the pickups and grabbed a Powerade, mindful to leave some to share with the Kirby men still in the woods. My brother and dad did their best to pull the big buck out in to a more manageable area, a place where the wheeler could get to it. Even with that little drag, they were worn out. The Powerade was a welcomed treat. At the start of our second extraction, Poppa Tom was already contemplating purchasing his own ATV. With a deer of this caliber, this was not something he imagined doing again without machinery of his own.

After nearly two hours of work on two separate deer, the venison caravan finally hit the gravel road facing a new problem. There wasn’t enough room in the pickup for the harvested deer and the 4 wheeler. Logan came up with a great solution and in minutes, he and I were gearing back up for a triumphant victory lap in to town on the ATV. After Logan put on his helmet, I enjoyed the ride on back while he jockeyed us all the way home. Todd drove my truck, loaded with our dad’s best 12 hours afield. And dad? I’m not sure how he got home… he may have just floated.

Back at civilization, we paused for more trophy shots. Logan’s deer was already skun out and hanging but we were able to take its skull and compare antlers with Poppa Tom’s side by side. With three shots, Logan and Dadd had put down three magnificent deer. Weeks later, it all still seems like the dream of a perfect hunt.

Big Boy Done.





Friday, December 1, 2017

"A few bricks shy of a load."

I haven't checked the moon phase lately but I'm most certain that we're still a ways off before the next full moon. Clearly something seismic or celestial has to be at play. Our students here at Jacobson Elementary are the barometer for their environment. When things are out of whack it resonates throughout the student body. With no full moon in sight, I can only write this off as another Freaky Friday.

Due to some data privacy issues and fear of litigation, let me just say that two separate incidents prior to 10 o'clock this morning involved a police officer and then an ambulance. Unrelated, the officer was here to assist the principal on a weapons possession issue, while the ambulance was responding to a medical emergency. I'm happy to report the young man with medical concerns was on his way to see the family doctor but not before he gave me a hug and walked out under his own power. The other fella won't be with us for a few days, as he can sit at home and think about the seriousness of what he did.

Even in all this excitement, these out of the ordinary instances aren't the best story of the day.

Our morning hallway routines prior to the first bell have recently been a focus point of the administration. Some kids have been reluctant to brave the cooling temperatures outside and have been opting to wander the hallways. The problem lies in that our supervision is outdoors. The causeways go relatively unsupervised. Kids are expected to drop off their backpacks and either head to the cafeteria or back outside to release their wiggles before starting the school day. Loitering isn't allowed.

So this morning as I weaved in and out of the knee-highs swimming through the hallway, I noticed a group of boys gathered around a backpack outside of my 4th grade colleague's door. Not paying much attention, I fired off a broad comment. Something of the likes of, "Hey Dudes, where are we supposed to be in the morning?" My presence and my question startled a few of them and their reactions peaked my interest in the contents of said backpack.

As the events of the morning unfolded, I honestly forgot about the harmless boy and his friends huddled around the hallway contraband. When I say "harmless boy", I would like to emphasize that the owner of this backpack is a simpleton at best. To say he is a few bricks shy of a load would give him some credit of actually owning a few bricks. This new boy is struggling daily to fit in. He's a crier, awkward and an interesting fella to just sit and watch sometimes.

Well, when the dust settled a bit from my weapons possession dilemma I remembered that I wanted to grab my co-worker and explore the contents of Simpleton's backpack. Leery to unzip and reach in to the world of a scatter-brained 9 year old, my partner and I pressed on. What we discovered, neither of us had anticipated.

A full sized bottle of Nexxus Conditioner. Like he took it right from the shelf in the shower or from Mom's beauty cabinet.

I was puzzled.

My co-worker connected the dots immediately and began to point and laugh.

"Kirby! Every since you and that wild hair cut of yours....all of the boys in my class want to be just like you. All they talk about is who puts what in their hair! Awwww, how sweet - he was lathering conditioner on his head because he wants to be like you!"

I'm flattered but I'd like to go on record as saying that this New Do is not achieved with a dollop of conditioner. I am a pomade man.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Johnny Law...

Wake up calls can come in many forms.
Usually a "shot across the bow" is enough to get my attention and remind me to re-focus and re-load. 
Johnny Law fired a couple of warning shots my way last night.
I got you - Law Dawg. 
I read you Loud and Clear. 

At approximately 19:52 Central Standard Time, the Chisago County Sherrif's Deputy activated his emergency lights and pulled me over on Main Street in Rush City - his reasoning was not coming to a complete stop in a residential area. My "California Stop" gave him due cause to investigate further. I acknowledged that "it had to have been back on Harte Avenue by Mr. Schlagel's house" and then explained to him that "it had been a long night of Parent/Teacher conferences and that I was looking forward to being home with my wife and kids."

I handed him ID and proof of insurance and he asked where and what I teach. Being that he was staked a block from the elementary school, I thought maybe he could deduce some of that on his own. Not wanting to insult the young officer, I stuck with the facts. In no time the officer ran my plates and ID and sent me on my merry way with a verbal warning.

I was happy to be back on the road again but knew that I was lucky to have escaped the long arm of the law. I was guilty as the day I was born...guilty of trying to get my mind off of work and in to some 93X rock music for the ride home. I rolled through the stop sign - everyone does it. This time I was thankful to receive only a slap on the wrist. 

Ten miles down the road, another set of emergency lights shone in my rear view mirror. This time the Pine County Sheriffs Deputy witnessed my hairbrained attempt to turn the stoplight at Hillside Avenue and Highway 361 in to a stop sign. Ya see, I didn't blow through it. I actually stopped AND THEN drove right through the red light above my head and in to oncoming traffic from the west. I knew it the second it happened. I gave an embarrassed wave to the white pickup truck who luckily was attentive enough not to rearrange my front end. Although a bit late, I slowed and moved to the right to yield and clear the intersection. It was seconds later that the bright, flashing, colorful lights appeared. 

This time I decided to pull over in to the large parking lot just up the road. I hoped the officer would appreciate that I led him off of the road where knuckleheads like me were just trying to get home. 
Mr. Pine City Cop approached with a little more caution and was markedly more alert to current events and the endless possibilities of mindless idiots behind the steering wheels in today's society. He immediately asked about the presence of any weapons. I assured him he might find some bowhunting stuff in the back but there were no firearms aboard. He asked if I knew why he stopped me. I interrupted him mid-sentence to accept full responsibility and then I divulged my unfortunate encounter with the neighboring county law enforcement just minutes before. My bad ride home hadn't gotten better. 

A blown stoplight at a relatively busy intersection was a major step up from rolling through the stop sign by Bob's house. It nearly caused an accident and the officer's stern tone reminded me of that. As Mr. Pine City cop returned to his squad to process my info, a second deputy approached my passenger side with flashlight in hand. I rolled down my window and offered up conversation. I think my truthful openness and obvious embarrassment made my case more easy to dismiss. For the second time in one evening, I escaped a fine - tucked my tail and rolled home. 

My post from a few days ago eluded to the fact that it's the time of year that we become Ricochet Rabbit and bounce, bounce, bounce from one thing to the next....after last night's run ins with the LAW, I'm ready to take a few steps back.




Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Zero to Sixty

And just like that there's frost on the ground, geese in the air, and ice in the arena.

This summer we bought a "new to us" dining room table. The other day I joked with Michele that we should trade it in for some sports equipment lockers and a revolving door. 'Tis the season of Sunday night meal planning with the best intentions but truthfully scraping together meals on the go as we dance the delicate balance of being a family of jocks. We haven't used our new table more than half a dozen times.

Emma has 3 JV volleyball games this week. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. She is also scheduled for hockey practice on Wednesday and Friday. Logan has football practice on Monday and Thursday and hockey on Tuesday and Friday.

Michele's walking the fine line of being the new gal on the block at her new job. The call of the early alarm clock is making each early bedtime more crucial each day. Kettle bell class has proven just as important.

Mindless school paperwork, home insurance red tape and earth changing hockey decisions have engulfed me like the fiery infernos of northern California. Nearing mid-week, I thirst for the relief that the weekends bring.  Do the Math. That equals neglected chores, neglected deer stands and neglected dogs.

But that's OK. We are making our own choices. Emma will miss some hockey to honor her commitment to the volleyball team and being a teenager. And the world will not come to a halt. Logan is getting his homework in and learning some lessons on how procrastination can be the thief of time. And time marches on. I'm hanging in there and treading water with a mostly positive attitude. The problems of adulting haven't disappeared. We just accept them and move on. Momma is the glue that binds us all. She handles the changing of the tides like a consummate professional.

And it's all good in the 'hood.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

I only know how I feel...


That guy in the blue shirt on the far left... hearing his Senior Drill Instructor's voice...

"Bring your left heel against the right.
Turn your feet out equally to form an angle of 45 degrees. Keep your heels on the same line and touching.
Your legs should be straight, but not stiff at the knees.
Keep your hips and shoulders level and your chest lifted.
Your arms should hang naturally, thumbs along the trouser seams, palms facing inward toward your legs, fingers joined in their natural curl and elbows in.
Keep your head and body erect. Look straight ahead. Keep your mouth closed and your chin pulled in slightly.
Stand still and do not talk."

This is the "Position of Attention." I was taught it in Boot Camp, right away. When not in uniform, it serves as a salute - a proper means of showing respect. In times that demand respect, i.e. - Taps, Reveille, National Anthem or when called on the carpet for a good ass chewing - you will stand at the Position of Attention.

It is a salute, a polite recognition and acknowledgement. A homage to honor those that came before you. 

First Note to the Last Note. Period.

If the Marines on Iwo Jima could charge in to the hellfire that was Mount Surabachi, you can lock your body up and stand there for 2 and a half damn minutes. If those Army soldiers clinging to life on the beaches of Normandy could face insurmountable odds yet continue to fight on, you can stop what you're doing and pay some respect during the playing of a song and the passing of our Flag.

*********************************************************************************

March on the Colors... I love this picture. 

Miss Jeanine captured this moment at the home football field of the Aitkin Gobblers a hundred years ago. Aitkin could always be counted on for having a below average High School band - so the music is a distant memory. Yet, the images of their color guard are burned in my mind. 

It seemed the local VFW sent their most grizzled veterans to carry out a few steps in Close Order Drill. Their disheveled uniforms and crooked garrison caps seemed to match their out of step cadence which somehow made me admire them even more. I distinctly remember believing that at any point one of the old duffers was going to knock off his Piss Cutter while going to Port Arms. It always felt that at any moment one of them could stumble, fall over or heaven forbid - drop the colors. 

Locked tight, I focused on those men and swore that I could get to them before the Flag ever touched the ground if one of them faltered. But they NEVER DID.

Ever.

Even though it may look like I'm at mid-field, the Tigers are lined up on the visiting team's sideline, just a few yards behind me. This one picture captured me standing for just one National Anthem. I coached for a long time. I've stood this way for the song hundreds of times.

Miss Jeanine noticed. 

She once told me that she always noticed but never understood...

until her oldest son joined the Marine Corps.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Accidentally?

Three weeks in on year seventeen of my teaching career and I am flat worn out. However, I'm comforted that the hilarity of my job will provide me an endless bank of stories to tell while sitting around a campfire swilling bourbon for years to come.

"I'm sorry Mr. Kirby. I accidentally licked my Glue Stick."

The above sentence was actually spoken to me late last week.

I haven't figured out how 4th graders rationalize their little worlds but I'm always amused when good kids explain their mistakes by saying that they "Accidentally" did something. Maybe it comes from the days of messing in our underpants and Mom and Dad calling it an accident, who knows?

But wait, there's more. (There always is.)

This year has been especially challenging as budget constraints have placed 29 students in my classroom.  After assigning a Cut and Paste vocabulary worksheet on "Landforms", I thought I would be afforded a few minutes of down time. Time to actually sit at my desk for a second. Maybe even have a chance to grade a few papers without constantly having to be up and about "putting out fires". Seriously, I've been playing "Whack a Mole" on 4th graders with the attention spans of puppies since Day One.

My most challenging girl came to me and said she didn't have a glue stick. To her I responded, "I can lend you one but I just saw you with yours yesterday. What happened?"

"I shoved a Starburst in it and ate it."

Yeah, you read that correctly. She shoved the chewy confectionery in to her paste tube and consumed the whole kit and caboodle.

I shook my head, not so much in disbelief and handed her one of my sticks anyway, oblivious as to what would happen next.

Moments later, I had 3 more students talked in to the idea of licking away at their Elmer's Glue Sticks.

Knuckleheads, Average Joe's and the recently elected Student Council Representative were convinced by Mr. Mohawk that ALL Glue Sticks are edible and tasty even. So away they licked - like the Owl from the Tootsie Roll Ads of old. Yep on Friday of Week #3, 4th graders stuffed their faces with paste. The same 4th graders that have been gobbling up and spitting out pieces of pencils since Labor Day. The same 4th graders that seem to have an endless supply of bracelet making rubber bands. The same 4th graders that have drilled holes with their ink pens 200 pages deep in to their Composition notebooks. The same 4th graders that bring Freezie Pops in the backpacks for 10:15 "snack time". The same 4th graders whose parents have them opted OUT of Intervention Services designed to provide extra help in areas of individualized need.

By the way - "Starburst and Glue Sticks" is an Actual THING - Google it.
Stinkin' YOUTube!
#$*&%$@@#$&

I think tonight I'm going to ACCIDENTALLY have a couple extra cherries in my Moonshine.


Wednesday, September 20, 2017

"Paging Mr. Herman - Mr. Herman to the front desk."

"Bueller?"
"Bueller?

"The BLOG needs a little attention," they say.

I concur.

It's a prized family possession. Unlike the rotting Cadillac in Stall #2.

This archive of the ins and outs and ups and downs of the Kirby Krew has been left unattended for far too long.

Like the auger with bad gas in the lines, it'll go. Ya just gotta give it a pull. Pump the primer. Have faith. There's life in there somewhere.

I must commit to less Facebook and more chronicling of our lives.
I must commit to getting the rest of my obligations taken care of posthaste and then pecking away at the keys like I used to do.

It brings me joy - this Blog. It really does.

So then, why then has it been neglected for so long?

My fictional heroes have excused my from regular contributions and random story telling here on these interwebs.

David Wooderson put it best - "The older you do get, the more rules they're going to try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man. L.I.V.I.N."

Andy Dufresne added, "Get busy living or get busy dying."

That's what I've been doing...that's what Michele and I have been doing together.

Living.

Raising some kids, cleaning up after some dogs, mowing some lawns, gallivanting from Virginia to Vegas, tossing out old junk and accumulating more of the same, hockey and homework,kettle bells and canoes, sunscreen and hammocks, job switches and status quo, Friday night dinner dates and a new coat of paint, long walks and short naps, more bleacher popcorn than the F.D.A. could reasonably approve of, cancers and car problems, scratch offs and slot machines, hopes and dreams, hard work and perseverance.

I love my life and I love my wife.
(My kids and dogs too.)

I just haven't written about those things in a while... it feels good to be back.