Accidentally?

Three weeks in on year seventeen of my teaching career and I am flat worn out. However, I'm comforted that the hilarity of my job will provide me an endless bank of stories to tell while sitting around a campfire swilling bourbon for years to come.

"I'm sorry Mr. Kirby. I accidentally licked my Glue Stick."

The above sentence was actually spoken to me late last week.

I haven't figured out how 4th graders rationalize their little worlds but I'm always amused when good kids explain their mistakes by saying that they "Accidentally" did something. Maybe it comes from the days of messing in our underpants and Mom and Dad calling it an accident, who knows?

But wait, there's more. (There always is.)

This year has been especially challenging as budget constraints have placed 29 students in my classroom.  After assigning a Cut and Paste vocabulary worksheet on "Landforms", I thought I would be afforded a few minutes of down time. Time to actually sit at my desk for a second. Maybe even have a chance to grade a few papers without constantly having to be up and about "putting out fires". Seriously, I've been playing "Whack a Mole" on 4th graders with the attention spans of puppies since Day One.

My most challenging girl came to me and said she didn't have a glue stick. To her I responded, "I can lend you one but I just saw you with yours yesterday. What happened?"

"I shoved a Starburst in it and ate it."

Yeah, you read that correctly. She shoved the chewy confectionery in to her paste tube and consumed the whole kit and caboodle.

I shook my head, not so much in disbelief and handed her one of my sticks anyway, oblivious as to what would happen next.

Moments later, I had 3 more students talked in to the idea of licking away at their Elmer's Glue Sticks.

Knuckleheads, Average Joe's and the recently elected Student Council Representative were convinced by Mr. Mohawk that ALL Glue Sticks are edible and tasty even. So away they licked - like the Owl from the Tootsie Roll Ads of old. Yep on Friday of Week #3, 4th graders stuffed their faces with paste. The same 4th graders that have been gobbling up and spitting out pieces of pencils since Labor Day. The same 4th graders that seem to have an endless supply of bracelet making rubber bands. The same 4th graders that have drilled holes with their ink pens 200 pages deep in to their Composition notebooks. The same 4th graders that bring Freezie Pops in the backpacks for 10:15 "snack time". The same 4th graders whose parents have them opted OUT of Intervention Services designed to provide extra help in areas of individualized need.

By the way - "Starburst and Glue Sticks" is an Actual THING - Google it.
Stinkin' YOUTube!
#$*&%$@@#$&

I think tonight I'm going to ACCIDENTALLY have a couple extra cherries in my Moonshine.