A man's Man...
Marine.
Football Coach.
Big Game Hunter.
Mullet and a Hot Wife....
I don't think I need to wax poetic about my manliness anymore. There should be no doubt.
But there is.
>>>>>>>>>>
Once again, lost and wandering around WalMart - can't find what I'm looking for. Too afraid to ask. AGAIN. I make a second and third lap.
In the Women's Section.
More specifically - the Women's "unmentionables".
No, I wasn't looking for a Naught Nighty for the Hot Wife. That would have been too cool.
Please don't make me ask for help....where are they? Where are they?
A fourth lap through the ladies undergarments and the Eye in the Sky is definitely tracking the weirdo with the mullet, pacing back and forth in Aisle 14.
Dammit Kirby just ask!
"Excuse me, Ma'am. Would you help me? I'm looking for the Panty Hose. I can't seem to find them anywhere since you've all renovated and moved things around."
I tried to play it cool. I wasn't. I forgot that our little rural town had recently held its annual PRIDE celebration complete with rainbows and unicorns. Scott and I went fishing that day. We didn't hold hands. I swear.
The wonderful employee pointed me in the right direction and even justified my wayward wandering by informing me that Wally World had recently reduced their hosiery inventory. The limited selection left very few economical choices. Even with my limited knowledge of the finer points of women's panty hose, I felt vindicated and even supported as we exchanged cordial conversation
While informing my new friend that I was looking for the most cost effective selection and the largest size available, I felt it was at that point that I explain myself....
I am not a Bank Robber.
Not a Cross Dresser.
The Hot Wife is not a XXXL.
"Ya see, Ma'am....I am the Pool Manager in Rush City and we use the Panty Hose to put chemicals into the Pool. We fill them with this white powder - ten pounds at a time. The panty hose slow the rate at which Cyanuric Acid dissolves into the water. CYA is a chlorine stabilizer that actually.... ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am....don't you want to hear more of an explanation on why I am NOT a weirdo?"
Nevermind - thank you.
See ya at the Pool and maybe....
At PRIDE in the Park.
2 comments:
Did you know they don't put them in EGGS anymore?
Huh...
Hey Paul,
Just happened across the blog this morning while watching the US Open. And I had no idea where you were going when you mentioned pantyhose. But it was a funny journey.
Speaking of WalMart, due to the constant moving of products I haven't grocery shopped there since October of 2024. Got tired of looking for my $70 of food every 2-3 weeks. So I order online and pick it up, in and out in 5 minutes usually.
Take care Brother, Jeff
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