Author Gary Chapman wrote a book titled, “The Five Love
Languages”. In it he described five exhaustive love languages that people use
to give and receive love. My wife recommended the book to me a few years back
and I’m glad that I took her up on it and read the stinking thing. Not one to
usually buy in to the sappy, self-help genre, I sincerely enjoyed reading this
book and think that it helped me understand my relationship with the missus
even more than I did before.
Mr. Chapman states that all people metaphorically have a
“Love Tank” and essentially run better when that tank is full. The important
people in our lives fill that emotional tank with how they “love” us. The catch
is, we’re not all geared the same. Each of us has a primary and a secondary
love language. Sometimes couples communicate with the same love language and
other times it’s just the opposite.
Understanding your own personal needs is the first step and then
identifying your partner’s comes second.
Before I get too far in to this mumbo jumbo let me pause….
I’m in Alaska. If you’re here at the Kirby Krew you already new that. I have
been married to Michele for 13 years. Last July when word broke that I was
taking off to the Arctic, those close to us expressed concern. Was this a sign
of problems in our relationship?
I assure – just the opposite is true. This whole “Adventure”
wouldn’t be possible without the full support of my wonderful wife. Things were good. Things are good. And things
are only getting better. Vegas, here we come!
Back to the book report….
Where was I? – Oh yeah, “Knowing your Love Language”…
Let me list them – in no particular order.
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Giving and Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
So there they are. First step – Identify your own Primary
and Secondary love language. The big hint was that people just naturally tend
to give love in the way they prefer to receive love. So that explained my constant
pull to tell Michele she’s beautiful, that I like her hair, that tonight’s
supper was the best of the week. It explained why I was upset if I wasn’t
tucked in to bed at night with a goodnight kiss or sent to work without a peck
on the cheek.
I’m a Words of
Affirmation and Physical Touch
guy.
That wasn’t real hard to figure out. While I was reading the
book I remember questioning Michele about the relevance of a self-help book
telling me what I already knew. I have a hot wife and I like to hold hands with
her. (Wink –wink) But what it was really saying about me was that I need to
hear that I’m doing well – Words of
Affirmation and that I need that Physical
Touch to feel validated.
I gave what I wanted to receive and wasn’t paying enough
attention to the way my wife loved me.
Convinced that if I completed my assigned marital reading I
might get lucky, I decided to read on.
For more than that reason, I’m glad that I did. I
learned that my wife’s affinity for shopping was her way of showing affection
to the entire family and me. From simple grocery shopping to the now infamous
“She Bought Me Socks” – Michele’s constant Acts
of Service were the Love Language that she was speaking loud and clear. I
just couldn’t see it at the time.
Michele loved me by walking the dogs. Michele loved me when
she did a load of laundry and made supper. Michele may be the best gift giver I
have ever known. Just ask any of her friends. She knows just the right time
that somebody could use a pick me up and is always spot-on with gifts she
gives. She’s a natural at being a mother because she pays attention to other
peoples needs before her own.
Yesterday the mail came with another package addressed to
Kirby @ General Delivery. I knew it was on the way but it wasn’t until I held
it in my hand that I realized that, as small as it may be, this might be the
last Flat Rate Box I receive from my wife while I’m still here in Alaska.
Nine months in to an experiment in self-discovery and
sacrifice, I can see the end is near. 5 weeks from today I will be holding my
wife and kids in my arms and looking at Alaska through the rear view mirror. At
$6.80, that little Flat Rate Box was barely the size of a VHS tape but it was
packed with so much love…
An envelope with a happy photo and some encouraging words.
An Internet payment for my roommate.
Two bags of instant mashed potatoes and
My blood pressure medication.
Now the box is empty but my Tank is FULL.
I love you, Five.
See ya in a few weeks.
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